Oh G-d: the Intersection of Depression and Religion

Sorry about my absence last week.  This week I am acually posting something I wrote for my synagogue's newsletter.  I intend to discuss why I chose to write this and the aftermath of it in my next post.

Caveat: this post is not meant to imply in any way, shape or form that having a relationship with a higher power is necessary to better the lives of those who are depressed.  There are significant periods of time when I find it much more comforting to believe there's nothing out there, because at least then there's a reason nothing CARES that I feel like this so much of the time.

That said, to the article:

I am mentally ill.  I suffer from severe clinical depression.  Let me be clear about this: this does not mean I am sad.  This means that, when not properly medicated, I spend most if not all of my time thinking how much I would like to kill myself.  This means the desire to be dead is all I feel in those periods of time.  This means that, I can be on medication that works, but isn't quite right, and think the best I am going to feel—ever—is simply not-suicidal.  For most persons who suffer from mental illness, medication is helpful, if not an absolute necessity.  In many cases, it is the latter.

Medication for mental illness has almost as much stigma attached to it as the illnesses themselves.  People who take psychotropic drugs are weak, we "just want to feel good all the time," we "are not strong enough in our connection to G-d."  That last one is something I learned about from a friend.  Evidently, in certain sects of Christianity, taking medications for mental illness is frowned upon because if the ill person "just believed in Christ enough," they would feel the joy they do not feel.

Judaism, to its credit, does not approach treatment for mental illnesses in precisely this way.  The torah has examples of depression in figures like Saul.  Saul has periods of extreme dejection, jealousy-fueled rage at David, and otherwise irrational melancholy.  The torah tells us that David playing the harp for him helped somewhat with these emotional periods.  In the torah, David's music is the "therapy" Saul needs.  Obviously, in biblical times, the type of drugs we have today weren't even a thought.  There might have been homeopathic remedies for cuts and burns, bruises and infections, and alcohol or the like for self-medication, which is a far different thing than being properly medicated and seen to by a physician. Saul, though, didn't have the option of taking Prozac or Celexa and remembering that, oh, yeah, he was king, and things were pretty good.

From the outside looking in, it's hard not to see Saul's depression, his illness, as the reason David takes the throne instead of Jonathan.  Jonathan essentially comes from tainted blood.  Saul cannot trust in G-d enough, cannot connect to the divine enough, and therefore, David, who can, succeeds to the throne, and leads our nation, becoming a legend.  Saul's legacy is far less brilliant.  Although he is a byword for wisdom, his time as monarch is deeply overshadowed by David.  It is really no wonder persons who suffer from mental illness feel turned away by Judeo-Christian religious communities.

To make more comprehensive what I am trying to get across, telling a person who is depressed to trust in G-d, or be grateful for what G-d has given him or her, is much like telling a deaf person to just listen harder.  Helping a person who has depression (or is manic, or having a panic attack, or in crisis in any other way) to get help, however, is a way to bring him or her back to a place where s/he has the basic ability to trust in G-d, to appreciate what G-d has given to him or her, to do things with what s/he has been given in life.

I am not saying medication is right for everyone.  I am saying that a general reliance on religion has healed absolutely nobody I know who struggles with mental illness, and in many cases has made the illness worse.  I am saying that therapy of some type, or a mix of therapies, be it animal, music, art, physical, talk, medicine, or otherwise, is absolutely necessary for alleviating the worst of the symptoms of mental illness. 

We as Jews pride ourselves on taking care of our own, on tikkun olam, on our compassion.  Let us be leaders in showing compassion to those with mental illness, in helping them to get what they need, instead of judging them for their inability to be who we expect or want them to be.  Let us be leaders in caring enough to help people like me reach a place where a positive relationship with the divine is a possibility, rather than an ever out-of reach desire, another failure on our part, one more reason to leave the community.