Busy as a Busy Bee: Coping v. Hiding

If I had a penny for every time I've had this conversation, I might be able to penny tile my kitchen floor.

Someone: How've you been?

Me:  Good, y'know, busy.

Someone:  That's good, it keeps your mind off things.

Rationally, I am aware that non-depressed persons probably do use this coping technique.  In fact, I've spoken with a number of people who find it useful to keep themselves busy when upset about something, because it gives them less time to be upset.  That's logical and a seemingly healthy way to handle a problem so long as it doesn't go to the point of complete avoidance.

That said, depression is not a problem, it's a condition.  It doesn't go away because my days are packed with things to do, it just makes those things a billion times harder to get accomplished.

I am a busy person.  I work two, sometimes three, part time jobs.  I'm on the board at my synagogue, I regularly volunteer for a battered women's shelter, I have a standing bridge game, a weekly swing dance, and I work out at least five, usually six days a week.  I also make it a point to write every day that I possibly can, even if only three hundred to five hundred words.

I, for the most part--the part of me that is not terrible at saying no to people--choose to be this way.  I strive to keep myself occupied and feel productive as hard as I possibly can.  That said, no single part of me believes that if I am just busy enough, the blanket of depression will disappear for a few hours, and I will feel better.

Productivity, at least for me, is a learned hiding mechanism.  I figured out very young that the more I do, the more accomplished and useful I am as a person, the less I seem depressed in the eyes of the world.  And with the stigma of depression, as a kid, unable to verbalize why I was allowed to be depressed, to act on feelings that are caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain, that was the safest path.

At this point, it is hard for me to undo a lot of that, even as it's become actively harmful behavior on my part at times.  I am an introvert.  I need more down time and time to myself than the average person probably does.  But I rob myself of that due to the deep-rooted need to appear fine, appear together.

High productivity in depressed persons, although rare, can be a sign of hiding, it can be a sign of frantically trying to keep things together, it can be a sign of habits so ingrained even the depression cannot touch them, or all three.  What it is probably not a sign of is someone trying to run from the depression for periods of time.  Or, if it is, that person is likely doomed to disappointment.

If someone you know is a depressive who keeps busy, the kindest thing is to not assume at his/her/hir reasons for it.  If you're actually concerned, it's something you can discuss with them.  Otherwise, if when asked how they are they say, "busy," a great response is, "Yeah?  How is that for you?" and the intent to actually listen.